In the past, Summer and I have had the joy of walking close friends through their relationships, dating/courting, and all the way up to the altar.  Seeing how we dated for 4 years, and have been married for over 8 years now, we have a little bit of experience to be able to share from.  Being able to take close friends “under our wing” and pass on what we’ve learned (and wish we had learned!) when we were dating is a humbling and awesome experience.  We love helping 2 people navigate all the way from the “butterflies” in the stomach to, if it’s in God’s play book, vowing “’Til death do us part.”

Lately, I’ve been on this vision kick, about having vision for all areas of life.  And the area of romance is no exception.  So, here’s your 5 minute thought of the day:

If you’re in a relationship, what is that relationship about?  Why are you dating that person?  For what purpose? 

The reason I ask is that in Christianity, especially in Christian relationships, we are notorious for being known for what we are AGAINST.  And, if we’re not careful, we’ll create a list of Don’ts (don’t be at each other’s house after midnight alone, don’t be in each other’s bedrooms, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do if our parents weren’t in the room, etc) and let that list be what guides our relationship.

But what if your GPS just said, “Don’t turn here” when you were driving?

What if you really had no idea why you were in the car or where you were going?  All you knew was that you weren’t supposed to turn here… or here… or here… or there.  Yeah, you might eventually get somewhere but that trip is going to be really frustrating!

But that’s what many relationships are like.  Do this & don’t do that.  Hear me out, having a list of Do’s & Don’ts (Boundaries) is a good thing b/c it gives you a concrete “fence” that you don’t cross.  Fences are good because they keep the bad stuff out & keep us from wandering out into traffic!  But, if all you see is a fence keeping you from doing what you truly want to do, you’ll begin to resent your boundaries & look for ways to get around them.

But what if we actually crafted a statement that let us know WHY we had our Do’s & Don’ts?  That’s why I believe you need to have some sort of vision or purpose statement written out for your relationship. 

So, what if you and your boyfriend sat down and wrote out something like this,

Our relationship is about Jesus!  We will have a relationship that is above reproach, that honors God not only when people are looking, but even when they aren’t.  By guarding each other’s emotions and respecting each other’s bodies, if God leads us to marriage, on our wedding day we will stand before each other with smiles on our faces, having no regrets.  Our relationship will be a model of purity, honesty, love, joy, and patience!

Obviously, that’s going to be different for every couple, but even having one sentence is better than nothing!  Having a vision out in front of you leading you & guiding you will help to give your relationship motivation, direction, passion, and purpose.

On top of that, a written purpose will give context to your boundaries and, whenever your boundaries aren’t explicit, you can always look back to your purpose.  People try to create boundaries without a vision so it becomes a list of what other people expect you to do or good ideas.  But if you have a purpose written out, you are reminded of WHY you have those boundaries… and whenever your boundaries aren’t specific, you can look back to your written pledge to honor God regardless of who’s watching.

If I live more by “I WILL glorify Jesus in my relationship” than “I won’t do this or this or this or this” it’s life giving.

And, on a side note, a lack of purpose in relationships is a HUGE reason why some couples who remain pure before marriage, have troubles being intimate after marriage.  Because, instead of saying, “WOW, I really want to have sex, but I love you & Jesus enough to wait until we cross the line of marriage” (Purpose), we’ll say things like, “We can’t do that” and “We can’t go in your bedroom” (Boundaries).  And we are led by our boundaries instead of our purpose.  And what happens is a “sex is bad” mentality creeps into your relationship, and later on, your marriage.  But if you have a purpose & understand that something like sex is AMAZING… inside marriage… it paves the way for long-term success in marriage instead of short-term success in dating.

So have fun in your relationship.  Be led by your vision more than your don’ts.  And show the world the joy that can be found in a relationship devoted to the glory of God!  God bless.

To be honest, I’m not “the vision guy.”  I’m not the guy with a 10 year vision for every area of life… and, to be honest, I’m not sure if I want to be!  I find it exciting to follow the leading of God and walk through the doors He opens.  But I also know that, without vision, I will often walk through the wrong doors and end up 6 months+ down the wrong path!  

Vision gives Direction, Motivation, Passion, and Purpose, and if we are ever going to live a life that says, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ” then we’re going to need to have a vision for life.

God has been impressing on me lately to become a person more led by vision than my own feelings for the day.  And I believe that, if we would truly become people with a vision for life, then our generation (who is largely without a vision for life) would stand up and follow.

We talked briefly about this last week (head over to www.fusionatl.org/downloads to listen to the “Follow Me – Vision” message), but I want to expound on it a little bit more here.

In becoming a person of vision, you first off have to know what vision is!  There’s a lot of confusion in terminology floating around.  Your purpose & your vision & your goals are different things.  This might help…

Your PURPOSE is the sun and your VISION is the planet(s).

Your PURPOSE is the reason you exist.

This should go without saying, but without a purpose, you can’t have a vision to help you fulfill that purpose.  So, no purpose = no vision.  If you are a Christian, whether you know it or not, your PURPOSE is to bring glory to God.  So, the next question is, “How do I do that?”  Well, that’s where your VISION comes in.

Your VISION is what you do with your life.  Vision is the strategy behind the fulfillment of your purpose.  Your vision(s) circle around your purpose like the planets around the sun.

Andy Stanley said, “Vision is a clear mental picture of what could be, fueled by the conviction that it should be.”  If you’re looking for a vision, you often don’t have to look far beyond what your “burden” is.  What gets you upset in life?  What makes you slam your fist on the table?  What is a source of discontentment in your heart?

Granted, there are going to be differing areas of life that there is discontentment in, but that’s probably b/c you should have vision for different areas of your life: Life in general, relationships, finances, work, etc.

What’s something that could be that absolutely SHOULD BE!?!  Your answer will be different than mine… and that is a good thing.  We are created by God with different passions.  What’s yours?

Next, you accomplish your VISION by creating short-term GOALS to keep you on course.

Your VISION is the planet and your GOALS are the moons.

The famous painter Van Gogh once said, “I dream my painting and then I paint my dream.”  His vision was the completion of paintings, each uniquely different from the other.  How he accomplished his vision was a series of short-term goals, i.e.- brush strokes.

Like Van Gogh, when you close your eyes, what do you see that could and should be in the world?  Okay, open your eyes.  It’s now time to set up some Goals to accomplish that Vision.  What are your brush strokes to accomplish your Vision?

Maybe a few examples might help:

Perhaps one of my burdens is that people are struggling financially.  And, if my purpose is to be a shining light of Jesus, one of my vision’s might be to be a radically generous person.  And, in order to accomplish that vision, one of my goals might be to give away $1,000 this next year to someone to bless them.  Now, my next step is to come up with a strategy to accomplish that goal (but that’s the subject of another blog!).

The burden was that 42, 314,296 20-something’s in America are without Jesus.  And, since our purpose is to bring glory to God, our vision was to create a place to engage that generation with the Gospel of Jesus.  We believed that a relevant ministry to 20-something’s COULD and SHOULD exist.  So we set up a series of goals to accomplish that vision, the first being a small group of 20-something’s in ‘98.  And now here sits Fusion, engaging 20-something’s with the good news of Jesus!

But do we just sit back now?  No!

The accomplishment of your vision can be the launching pad of your next vision.

We still have the same purpose and the same burden, but since we have accomplished one vision, we move further down the path God has for us.  Thanks for being a part of the next step of the vision.

I DO my goals to ACCOMPLISH my vision to BE my purpose.

Be a person of vision.  Pick up your brush and start painting.

July 23, 2009 - What would our lives look like if we actually pursued holiness? But why should we? Why does God call us to be holy as He is holy?

July 16, 2009 – 99% of the time we walk around with tunnel vision, completely oblivious to the world around us. What if we prepared our minds for action? What if we opened up our eyes and saw the people & the pain that surrounds us & then did something about it? What if we paid it forward… taking a minute or two & buying someone’s lunch/dinner & talking to them? Give it a try & see what God does…

July 6, 2009 – What happens when you redeem your ordinary moments? Liz brings an encouraging word about being ready to listen & love people… and living in the moment.

July 2-5, 2009 - As followers of Jesus we’re called to live pure AND generous lives. And through that life, we have the opportunity every single day to share the Good News of Jesus with those around us. Watch in to learn how to join with your generation in creating a life that gives itself away.

June 29-30, 2009 – As followers of Jesus, we have power & authority to heal the sick! And it’s time for us to do just that. Today kicks off our tour date to pray for the sick, so watch & find out why & how!

June 24-26, 2009 – Most churches are waiting for the broken to come to them; well we’re gonna be a church that goes to the broken! Come join us on June 27th, 2009 for Adopt-a-Block with the Atlanta Dream Center!

June 22, 2009 – We’re kicking off our 4th week of Fusion On Tour & we’ve got 1 more month to go! Listen in as we look at the book of 2 John… it brings me great joy to see what some of y’all are up to!

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June 19, 2009 – Avery Nesbitt brings today’s fBlog. It’s time for the third Fusion on Tour “tour date”… Take Your Co-Worker to Lunch. Make a point of bringing up Jesus and what He’s done for you. Also pray for a heart of compassion with everyone you meet. Tell us your story @ http://www.fusionatl.org/Default.aspx